She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
