I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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