Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
