just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
