return my video game
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
