well you can't waste a boner
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
