When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
