Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
