Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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