I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there was a trapeze. enough said
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
