She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
