On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
