Already got asked if we're dating
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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