There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
