when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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