jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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