I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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