please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sarcasm needs its own font
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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