im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
