I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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