just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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