im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
