R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
