oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
