If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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