so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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