Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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