oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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