Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't want my vagina anymore.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
