i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
