you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
