look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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