At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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