My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
