college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
