She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
