I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
