running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
