i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
