A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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