I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
