Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
