That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were trust falling into bushes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
