His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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