Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
