I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
