I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
