I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize