I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
