I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
