Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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