The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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