I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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