I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize