You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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