you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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