Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
