dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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