Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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