Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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