No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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