How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
