I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
