It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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