ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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