Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
