Sry I called you an 8
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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