Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
