bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
