Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
