Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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