Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize