I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
