so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
