we're blogging at a bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
