I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
