I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
