i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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